My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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