That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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