you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you