New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.