Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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