Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
