I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
