Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...

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Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

(941): View more from Florida

it was a krispy kreme

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(260): View more from Indiana

After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.

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