tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
