At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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