My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
