Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
time to smoke my breakfast
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
