they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
