why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
