Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
