I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize