i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize