I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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