what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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