I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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