a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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