I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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