you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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