i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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