I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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