Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
