i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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