i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there is puke in my bra ... again
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize