that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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