Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
