dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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