Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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