this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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