TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
