I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
