I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
