Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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