mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
