now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
