I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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