Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
