I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
honey bunches of taint.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
