all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
