So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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