Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
