If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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