my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
