I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
