it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
