i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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