u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I want a musical about memes.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
