Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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