My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
