You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
