Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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