you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
