He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
