I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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