.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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