shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
