Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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