He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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