I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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