She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
