We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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