i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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