I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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