You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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