I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
