May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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