she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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