im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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